I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
