WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
