i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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