And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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