I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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