im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
