The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
