I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
