I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what day is it and did you see me today?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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