similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
