I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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