I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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