At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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