ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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