The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
