I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
