He felt like a one man threesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
