Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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