In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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