yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
