I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
