it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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