He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
