I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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