The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
