So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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