so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
