i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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