nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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