Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know her cup size but not her name....
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