In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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