but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
