The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
