I must be too annoying 4 u.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
