I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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