I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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