she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
