I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
