I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
