...so i touched it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
