Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
