It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize