So drunk its hurt
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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