we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
