My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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