So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
