now i know why i became what i already was.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
