you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
