this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
