i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize