i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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