You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
