vagina is talking i cant
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
