So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
