it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize