I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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