im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Everything about him screamed your future.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
