I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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