and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
