He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
