Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
third nipple confirmed
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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