she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
