i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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