just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
