why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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