My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
