3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
