Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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