so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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