they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
