If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
