my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
