she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
