I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
