also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
