i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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