im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to sanitize my soul.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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