I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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