Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
