Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize