dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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