When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
