dude i'm inner monologue high
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize