my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
