We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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