Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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