Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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